sex and the single resident

I'm convinced that the real reason so many people get married during residency is not because they need companionship...they just need someone at home to write out the bills! I am late with the rent for the 100th time this year. It's not because of my bank account, it's because I can barely find the time to mail the stupid check.

Doctoring is a sexy profession. Booty is everywhere, especially for male residents. Unfortunately (or fortunately), it doesn't always feel this way because of our confinement to the hospital. My male classmates end up sighing wistfully over some cute unattainable intern like Charlie Brown's obsessive crush on the little red haired girl. Or they make lame attempts to hit on the handful of nurses who are under the age of 50 and single. They don't seem to lust after our clinic patients because 1) (hopefully) they realize that it would be highly unethical, 2) many of the clinic patients have multiple social issues, and 3) no one is quite as cute when you know they have chlamydia. One of my classmates confided that he cheated on his long term/long distance girlfriend with *gasp* a medical student, which is super inappropriate. But perhaps if more residents slept with the med students we would get fewer complaints from students about OB residents being so bitchy. Just kidding. Sort of.

The female residents who are not married are also quite vocal about their lonliness. More than a few have signed onto dating services on the internet. As a group they can be anal retentive which of course prompts my male classmates to speculate about how much more pleasant they might be if they were getting some. Sexist, but occasionally amusing depending on how much I like/dislike their target du jour.

I signed onto one of those dating sites a few months ago and met Jeff, a nutty pseudo-Rastafarian. He was reasonably intelligent, but a tad bit off the deep end on the afrocentric tip. We had a few dates then parted ways amicably. I abandoned that online stuff because even that took too much effort, and most dudes online seemed to have a hard time expressing themselves in writing. All I can say is "RIF": Reading Is Fundamental. From what I've seen that campaign needs to make a comeback.

I've been getting random collect calls on my voicemail from a local prison. Maybe it's a wrong number. Maybe the guy just likes my voice. The calls sound like this:

Recording: "You have a collect call from..."
brotha's voice: "Mookie" (more urgent) MOOKIE!!!!"

My future husband, perhaps. I wonder if Mookie can pay his bills on time.