disillusionment

Where do I even begin?

It's been so long since my last blog, and so many noteworthy things happen to me on a daily basis that it's hard to know where to start in this posting. So I guess I'll start with my wonderful and much needed vacation to Miami last week. I stayed with a fellow resident in South Beach, aka Beautiful People Central, where the women are thin and the men are gay. I spent an entire week reading trashy novels on the beach and loving every minute of it. My friend is also a resident so she couldn't spend much hang time, which was fine. South Beach reminded me of L.A., and like L.A. I found it a pleasant place to visit but I could never think of living there. Too few black folks, not enough sista love and I don' t speak Spanish (yet).

It was a much needed mental break as well. I felt like I was buckling under the pressures of residency. Some days I thought I might actually break. Being in Miami gave me perspective. The politics of this program, the chatter, the gossip, don't amount to a hill of beans in the long run. I am going to finish the program, I am going to be an Ob/Gyn, and I am going to be doing exactly what I chose to do with my life, which is a luxury.

My classmates on the other hand are becoming very disillusioned with Ob. One who recently married told me that she would be perfectly happy not practicing medicine after graduation. This shocked me, because she seemed so passionate about the field when we started residency. I guess after a year and a half of getting the shit kicked out of her she is ready to throw in the towel. Her husband is a pediatrician so she'll probably kick back, push out a couple of rug rats and become a housewife like her mother. A very well educated housewife. She is committed to finishing the program only because she started it.

Another classmate has been whispering in my ear that she is sick and tired of this program. She is a crazy nut who is selfish, domineering and has the kind of bedside manner that will get her sued in practice because her patients dislike her. Like the Housewife, she also says that she does not want to practice Ob when she finishes. Unlike the Housewife, she doesn't have a husband-safety net. However, her parents are wealthy and overly indulgent so I am sure she will be able to find some way to occupy her time after graduation.

There is a lot to be sick and tired about in this program. We just got our holiday vacation schedule this year. We have only 5 days off for the holidays, when we used to have a week. Also, we have been assigned to work 36 hour shifts we get back from vacation. It is illegal to work 36 hours. The chief resident responsible for making the schedule caught me perusing it one day at work. She said to me in a stone-faced, menacing manner, "We are working 36 hour shifts because it was the only way to get adequate coverage. You are not to report that we are doing this. If you report it, we won't get time off for the holidays at all".

A threat. One of the few good things I used to be able to say about this program was that it at least attempted to respect the work hour restrictions.

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The other day, an attending was trying to communicate with a Spanish speaking post-op patient. Her English was limited, his Spanish is nonexistant and there was no translator in sight.

Attending: "Ma'am, no intercourse for 2 weeks"

Patient, confused: "Huh?"

Attending: "Um, no sex for two weeks"

Patient: "Huh?"

Attending: " Um, 'sexo'? With your boyfriend? No relations for two weeks.

Patient: "Huh?"

Attending, going for broke: "Uh.... NO FUCKIN'!"

Patient, smiling broadly: "Si. Okay!"