delusions

It is my belief that most of us create our own personal mythologies, ways of looking at the world, that make us the hero in our own story. Most of the time this is probably harmless. But sometimes we need to keep our delusions to ourselves.

Last night over dinner one of my classmates told me that a chief who failed to match in gyn onc this year made up a ludicrous explanation why she didn't match, and is sharing it with everyone who will listen. She claims that Ob/Gyn as a specialty was so competitive during her class year that she could not successfully compete against the strong candidates her year applying for onc fellowships. However, the people in ob/gyn residency in the class years after her are dumber, so it will be easier for next year's candidates to match in gyn onc. This theory does a neat job of explaining her failure without her having to admit that maybe, she just wasn't good enough. It also explains how junior residents could possibly match in the coming years while she could not match her year.

Never mind that she didn't have any oncology research at the time of her application. Never mind that she alienated our gyn oncologist during her rotation with him and probably earned a lukewarm recommendation at best. Never mind that she has a personality disorder, a rotten bedside manner and performs the world's most sadistic pelvic exams. Never mind that she spits when she talks.

Initially I was a bit offended by her calling the junior residents stupid, but then I had to get some perspective. She went out for a competitive fellowship that only accepts something like 30 candidates nationwide per year. She failed, and she is unaccustomed to failure. Worse, her defeat was public. She had to find a reason other than the fact that she just plain ol' got beat.

So now, all is right in the world and she can sleep at night knowing that she is more deserving of a gyn onc fellowship than the junior residents who might match in gyn onc next year. Whatever.