Nigerian Scams

Today, during an orientation for my medical mission trip to Nigeria, we were warned against doing two things: giving money to people and falling in love. On a previous mission trip, a Nigerian woman managed to bilk a thousand dollars from the mission team with some sob story about her financial hardship. She took her story to all of the team members individually and received about $100 per person. No one on the team knew that the other team members had given so much money until they got back to the US. When you consider that the average yearly income in Nigeria is $350, this was a hugely successful scam.

Some American woman on the medical team apparently fell in love with a Nigerian man during a previous trip. The two of them made plans to marry. Luckily she found out he already had a wife and kids before she paid for him to come to the US. He was looking for a green card.

I think one has to be very, very careful about becoming romantically involved with someone who might be motivated by the possibility of US citizenship. Just ask Terri McMillan.

Timing is Everything

This week's lesson: uncensored blabbing during sex can create problems. As my best friend recently instructed, "don't let 'I love you' prematurely slip. And if you can't think of a substitute phrase, do a search on the internet or something!"

I have heard a couple of amusing stories about bombs that were dropped in the heat of the moment. A friend of mine was having sex with her boyfriend while straddling him. In the middle of the act, she stopped abruptly and said, "Tyrone, where is this relationship going?" Poor Tyrone, who probably had diminished blood flow to the brain at that moment, blurted "um, toward marriage?" They were married 8 months later. Tyrone's only stipulation was that she hand him back his testicles long enough for him to pick the moment of his proposal.

A male friend recently told me that his ex-fiance proposed to him during sex. They ended up engaged even though he suspected the relationship was doomed. How can you possibly have an emotionally loaded conversation at that moment? One of my favorite lines from Sex in the City: "you're breaking up with me... while you're still inside of me?"

When I first arrived back in Chicago a few days ago I did what I usually do. First stop is Harold's Chicken/Robinson's Ribs/BJ's Market (take your pick) where I acquire a good ol' South Side artery-cloggin'-myocardial-infarction-on-a-platter that is unavailable in New England. Then I plop down in front of my sister's TV (I don't have cable at home), watch music videos, lick the grease off my fingers and wonder why I am fatter than the video hos.

I watched Jessica Simpson, daughter of a Baptist minister, gyrate in front of a car in a string bikini. This in itself doesn't bother me. What's weird is all the publicity about her virginal pre-nuptual status and squeaky-clean image contrasted with her hoochie behavior after the ring. Now that she's having marital relations with her nobody husband it's suddenly okay for her to show the world her ass? God says it's ok to be a hooch as long as you're married but not before? Maybe I should ask her dad. "Excuse me Mr. Simpson, your daughter kinda looks like a slut. No no, don't thank me. Just thought you might want to know."

Don't misunderstand me. I don't have anything against the hoochie-mamas. Smoke 'em if you got 'em, I always say. Just don't wear me out talking about your purity while you do it. It irritates me.

After watching cable for a week I have guilty pleasures other than food. I like 50 cent. He has a face made for the inside of a paper bag but that body... oh yeah, I like the songs, too :)

I like BBC America. Hyacinth Bucket rules!

And then there's Snapped on Oxygen. 'Nuff said.

I still enjoy those birth shows on TLC, even though I do that stuff every day now. I still get all sentimental and misty-eyed when I watch. More confirmation that I chose the right medical specialty.

Sweet Home, Chicago

My next few entries will not have as much residency stuff. I am on an elective rotation. For my elective I have chosen to go to West Africa for a couple of weeks with a medical mission team. The rest of my elective time will be spent doing research. My "research" includes a brief trip to Chicago to study the lakefront in July, daytime TV, and the anatomy of one particular male subject who I like very much.

Coming back to Chicago was interesting. So much has changed. They are building new houses in areas that used to be overrun with crack addicts and prostitutes. And they're asking 400K! The gentrification thing is out of control. I saw white people walking in areas of Woodlawn that still make me nervous.

I was also accosted by people running scams on 71st and Jeffrey. In Dominicks, a man approached and asked if I was paying for my groceries in cash. It turns out he wanted to find out if I had a link card. I didn't talk to him long enough to find out the specifics of his hustle, but I recognized it as such. When I walked out of a Walgreens in the same area, a woman on the street asked me for my receipt, presumably so she could shoplift items from the store.

I just don't remember things being so bad on 71st and Jeffrey. Does something about my appearance or carriage make me an obvious target, as a friend suggested? Or did things get worse during my 6 year absence?